Free At Last

Have you ever felt stuck?

You’re so used to living life a certain way,
you never think there’s more.

That’s the story of Monty.

* * *

When Monty was a child, he was an active little boy, curious about life around him. This curiosity began when he caught a beetle at camp, which he read was a Black Beetle, native to New Hampshire, where the camp is located. He named the bug ‘Camper’.

Camper becomes an interesting specimen throughout the summer, as Monty learns the lifestyle of a big black beetle. When summer was over and camp ended, Monty decides to show the other campers this two-inch exoskeleton, before he returns him to the woods. Rather than toss him to the woods, one of the kids wants to take it home. It would be a great plaything for his cat.

“I can’t let you take this bug.” Monty tells the boy in earnest. “He’s a living creature and deserves better treatment than to be terrified by a cat!”

“That was the whole point. To see the cat, destroy the beetle!”

“That’s horrible!” Monty retorts. “You have no appreciation for life.”

“Monty, he’s just a bug!”

“He’s a beetle, and a life form” Monty insists.

“You sure are into life!” The boy responds sarcastically.

“What do you think we should do with him, Monty?” A little girl asks.

“Kill him!” Another child snarls “He’s just a bug.”

“I didn’t ask you!” The girl quips. “I asked Monty!”

“He won’t be killed” Monty snaps back. “He’ll get his freedom all life deserves.”

“He’s just a bug, Monty!” The boy with cross arms retaliates.

“Yes, but he’s my responsibility! I found him. I’ll make sure he gets home – in the woods.”

“Why not step on him and be done with it!” A tall, red headed boy says with a smirk.

“Step on him! He’s alive!” Monty, flares back.

“You sure have a respect for life, Monty!” The older boy tells him.

“Yes, I do!” Monty answers, picking up the beetle and putting it in his palm, like he had done hundreds of times before.

“I imagine it must be pretty scary for this little bug to be in my palm.” Monty empathizes. “I’m so big and he’s so small.”

“He’s big for a beetle!” One kid quips.

“But he’s still small, compared to me!” Monty.

The kids acknowledge that it must be scary to be a bug.

“It’s time for you to go, Camper.” Monty tells the black beetle softly, before gently placing it on the ground several feet away.

“You’re Free!” Monty exclaims. “Free to be! Understand?”

Whether the bug understands or not, he’s soon out of sight. The children shrug, leaving the field.

“I feel really good about giving that bug freedom.” Monty tells the kids joyfully. “I’ll miss Camper. He was a good pet.”

Years later, this lesson in freedom is tested on Monty, who is now a grown man.

Today Monty works at an office job that he hates. It’s not that the job itself is bad. It’s just that he’s overwhelmed with more paperwork that he can comfortably handle. Everyday, he leaves the office drained, while work piles up on his desk. Despite efforts to implement what the corporation insists are ways to make the workload easier, Monty is strapped to his desk, with no time for a full lunch or bathroom break. Lunch is a cold sandwich guzzled down with coffee, which is usually cold by the time he drinks it.

Monty suffers from chronic indigestion and a sense of worthlessness. Despite the amount of work, he produces, he is never acknowledged for doing a good job. Management expects a large workload to be performed at that desk, so Monty must meet their expectations, or suffer the consequences. Since Monty can’t afford to lose his job, he buckles down and works harder.

Despite his positive conduct and high performance, management always evaluates Monty’s performance as okay, but not exemplary. Monty is on a treadmill that’s keeping him stuck in a job that’s unfulfilling, but one that has become a habit he can’t afford to lose, forcing him to neglect his health or well-being.

This high level of stress goes on for several years until Monty has a heart attack. His body has been pushed to the brink that he almost dies. While

convalescing, Monty begins to assess his life. It’s the first time in many years that Monty has a chance to relax and think. Usually when he gets home, he is too keyed up over his job that he can’t relax, or he is too tired that he can’t think. Now, after a heart attack, he feels it necessary to make a change. But how? And to what? He doesn’t know what course of action he should take. Lying in the hospital bed, his thoughts drift, becoming reflective. I don’t know what I’m going to do?

Perplexed by this problem, Monty falls into a deep sleep.

For some odd reason, Monty dreams about the release of ‘Camper’. He remembers how he gave freedom to a little bug. When Monty wakes, he questions why he had this dream? Clearly, I am not free. I need to give myself freedom! But how?

When the nurse comes in, she sees that Monty appears agitated. Wondering why she asks Monty about his feelings. Monty tells her that he’s been thinking about his life and where he goes from here. The nurse sets the tray down.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” Monty tells the nurse frankly. “I guess because you are a nurse and easy to talk to.”

The nurse smiles. Then she proceeds to tell him a story.

“Several years ago, I was wrestling with some serious problems. I came across a very good book that helped me immensely. I’ll see if I have a copy of that book and bring it to you tomorrow.”

Monty nods as the nurse leaves.

The next day, the nurse brings the book, which is about how to improve your life.

“I can’t promise you anything” The nurse tells Monty. “But I can say it helped me, and I hope it helps you.”

Monty takes the book and after the nurse leaves starts to read it.

The book is an easy read. It’s a self-help book with exercises that you are to answer truthfully. There were questions about yourself that Monty hasn’t thought about before. One of the questions is about why he chose the work he does? Answering truthfully, Monty realizes that he took the job because he needed the money. He didn’t care what the work was. He was desperate and lied to get the job, telling the interviewer he had done a similar job before, which he hadn’t. Maybe if I hadn’t lied things would be different?

Thoughts roll like a spinning wheel in his head.

I had to take the job! I needed the money! I needed to work!

He remembers that he wasn’t thrilled with aspects of the job, where his duties included serving the department without question. That meant, he was the low man on the totem pole, unable to voice any concerns about treatment, even if coworkers treated him unfairly, which many did. Looking back, he sees how vulnerable he was. Obviously, the interviewer saw that he was desperate and took advantage of that fact. What a trap this has been! Now I’ve gotta figure out how to change things, because I can no longer continue to work at the level I have if I wish to stay alive. The doctor was adamant about that at my last exam. Stress is a killer and something my heart can’t tolerate.

He sits there for several minutes pondering what he’s going to do next. The book has been very helpful, having opened his eyes to how he’s been living his life. The scary part is how to go forward from here? How can I change it when I still need a job!

These thoughts are filling his head when the nurse comes in. She sees the book on the table and asks him how he likes it. Monty isn’t quite sure what to tell her.

“I like the book just fine.” Monty tells her truthfully. “It’s just now…” Monty stops not sure what he should say as it’s very personal in nature, revealing fearful thoughts that he does not share with anyone. The nurse seems to understand, as she reaches to touch his hand.

“I sense that you’re uncertain about your future. Is that it?” She asks.

“That’s exactly it!” Monty replies.

“That’s a relief!” She tells him with a smile

“A relief?” Monty exclaims “May be for you!”

The nurse smiles.

“You’ve just started reading this book and are now learning about self- discovery, which really leads you to start rationalizing what you need to do next. That made a huge difference in my life, and why I encourage you to read this book and continue on this course. The rewards are immeasurable. Don’t be surprised if you become an entirely new person! I did. Believe me, you can change your life in a way that amazes you!”

Monty watches her, as her eyes beam describing how this book affected her “I wish you luck.” The nurse tells Monty. “Transformation isn’t easy, but it’s what is necessary to truly change your life, so you can live healthy, happy, and well.”

Monty looks at her, not quite sure what to make of what she just said. However, her tone is confident. He senses that there may be a way to resolve his problem? It certainly worth a try! Determined to make the effort, Monty begins to read the book and do the exercises. It’s deep, inside out work as he looks at himself in a way he never had before.

Within days, Monty begins to see that his attitude about life and how he sees himself have changed. He’s learning the importance of trusting himself, which means truly believing in himself. This takes daily practice, like exercising. It’s mental work that requires discipline and why he meditates every morning and speaks differently to himself throughout the day. His words are always encouraging, never critical. This shift in his tone are one of his greatest changes to himself.

When he returns to work, the manager of the department expresses no sympathy to Monty. Instead, he quickly rushes him to his desk and tells him he’s anxious to see that he gets this work done today. Monty looks at the desk, then he looks at the man, seeing nothing has been done since he left. The work is piled high. The expectation is that he is supposed to get this desk cleaned up by the end of the day. Monty takes in several deep breaths before turning to the manager of the department and telling him that he’s giving his two weeks’ notice. The manager looks at him glaring.

“You mean to tell me that you’re gonna walk out of here when we have all this work to do?” The man asked.

Monty calmly responds, “I will work for the next two weeks before getting my severance pay, but I won’t work another day after that. Each day I will do as much as I can, but I’ve had a major heart attack, and I must think about my health first.”

The man explodes, “You think you’ve got health problems! I have an ulcer! I’m expecting you to do this job! That’s what you’re paid for!”

Monty takes several deep breaths again before responding. He realizes that previously the man was able to bully him. His attitude toward Monty is a major reason why Monty had a heart attack. Today, armed with a new sense of self, he wasn’t about to allow this man to bully him again.

“Like I said,” Monty continues. “I’ll do what I can, but I’m not going to do more than is fair, particularly since I just had a heart attack. Going beyond that could be death for me.”

The man fumes, his face turning a beet red, obviously upset by Monty’s tone and demeanor. He began spewing a litany of what he thinks about Monty at this moment. “You mean to tell me you don’t need this job! You don’t need the money? You did when you were hired! Now you’re acting like you don’t need to work!”

Monty looks at the man calmly. “I still need to work, but I will find work that is more suitable for me.”

“You mean; you don’t have another job?” The man asks sarcastically.

“Not at the moment.” Monty replies.

The man looks at Monty as if he’s about to fall on the floor with laughter. “And you’re quitting? Aren’t you the biggest fool! Go ahead! Leave. You idiot! No one leaves a job without another to go to! Ha! Ha! Ha! You’re a fool!” The man bellows.

The old Monty would’ve gotten upset by the manger’s words, but today the new Monty stands firm, feeling victorious for standing up for himself.

The next two weeks, Monty comes in and does his job as he promised. During that time, the manager makes every effort to antagonize Monty by saying ugly things to him. Monty ignores the man, focusing his attention on the work and ‘Camper’. He remembers how he gave this beetle freedom. Today is Monty’s turn. He is giving himself freedom by leaving this job as soon as he can.

Every day, Monty applies for jobs, but hasn’t gotten any response. Normally, Monty would be concerned about this. Instead, he continues to trust his decision, believing that the right job will become available for him.

While meditating one day, he senses he should look at the book again. When he picks up the book, it turns to a page titled “Know What You Want!” Naturally, Monty is intrigued. “Know what you want” seems simple enough, but honestly Monty didn’t know what he wanted. All he knew is he wanted out of this job and to get hired somewhere else. After reading that chapter, Monty writes down what he really would love to do. According to this book when you know what you want, opportunities become available so you can receive it.

Monty never heard of this way of life before. He always thought you took what you were lucky to get, never thinking you could actually decide doing work you would enjoy, and get it. That idea is beyond his reason, until he read it in a book. Today, Monty reexamines his thoughts, thinking what the nurse said, who claimed this line of thinking “changed her life.” For the next few minutes, Monty decides to dwell on what kind of work he would love to do.

Since he loves the outdoors and anything that has to do with nature, Monty decides he would love a job working outdoors and in nature. That weekend, Monty decides to take a drive to the country.

The drive is a pleasant one, smelling the fresh scent of pine, hearing the chirping of birds, and feeling the sun resting gently on his face. Monty breathes in the life around him. Ah! This is life!

Monty sees a park ahead and decides to enter. Once in the park, he meets a Park Ranger, who waves at him. Monty studies the Ranger for several minutes, looking at his uniform and his hat. He thinks how good it would be to wear a uniform like that.

The Park Ranger asks Monty how he can help him. Without hesitation, Monty confidently replies “I’m looking for a job.”

The Park Ranger is taken aback.

“Oh really? What kind of job are you looking for?”

“I was looking at you, thinking I’d like to do your job. Not that I’d take your job or anything like that!” Monty tells him candidly. “But a job as a Park Ranger. That would suit me perfectly.”.

The Ranger looks at Monty squarely. “I see.”

Monty’s eyes remain on the Ranger.

“It’s interesting you should ask, because we just got an opening for a job as a Park Ranger. We need to fill that position quickly because we are now short-handed.”

Monty’s eyes widened.

“What qualifications do you have?”

Without hesitation, Monty replies, “Actually, I don’t have any as a Park Ranger, except I love nature and the outdoors. I can’t think of a better job for me. Truly sir, it would be a privilege to be a Park Ranger, if you gave me the privilege to work with you.”

The Ranger is taken back by Monty’s sincerity.

“You certainly sound like someone who would love to work here. We like to have guys with experience, but sometimes the only way to get experi-ence is to get the job!” He turns to Monty and smiles.

Monty responds. “My sentiments, exactly!”

“When could you start?”

“I’m finishing up my current job this week, so I could start next week.” Monty replies.

“How about you coming in this weekend, get some training before the job starts on Monday?

Monty nods his head. “That’ll be fine.”

“Good. Fill out this paperwork and get it to me, before you leave the park today.” Monty takes the paperwork, fills it out, and turns it in.

“Sir, I can’t tell you what a privilege this is and how much this means to me.” Monty tells the Ranger. “When I was a kid I gave a beetle its freedom. Well, today, you did that for me. I can’t express how much that means.”

The Park Ranger looks Monty in the eye and says, “I think I understand. It takes courage to go after what you want. We need men like that. Thank you for stopping by today, Monty. See you Saturday.”

As Monty drives off, he feels an overwhelming sense of relief. I wonder if ‘Camper’ felt the way I feel now when he got his freedom. I’m free! I’m free!

Monty realizes he would never have gotten this opportunity if he hadn’t believed in himself.

Knowing what you want is so important. That, coupled with faith in yourself can make what seems impossible happen. When you give yourself a chance, like Monty, you’ll find a job you love too. Then, you will be free at last.